Cunnilingus, eye-watering medical procedures, lesbian flirtation, pie jokes, and bloody, bloody massacre: it was all going down (ahem) in this week's episode of Game Of Thrones, 'Stormborn'. And after all the politics, we welcomed a bit of old-school GoT action.
Let's recap those 'woah' moments, shall we?
We were always rooting for these two unlikely lovebirds - but given Greyworm has been cruelly castrated (a fate all Unsullied soldier-slaves have suffered), we weren’t necessarily expecting a sex scene.
But the dude’s still got a functioning tongue - and he put it to good use in this episode. Lucky Missandei.
On a serious note - props to actor Jacob Anderson (aka musician Raleigh Ritchie) for capturing Greyworm’s vulnerability as Missandei goes to undress him.
SMUT ALERT: THE BEST TV SEX SCENES
Poor Samwell Tarly - last episode he was retching over bedpans (they used soaking-wet fruitcake for the ‘contents’), and in Stormborn he had to get up close and personal with Jorah’s greyscale-encrusted body. To be fair, our sympathy should really lie with Jorah, who had to undergo the excruciating procedure: having the entire layer of infected tissue removed scale by scale.
The camerawork did not let up, with lingering close-ups of Sam peeling off each bit of skin to reveal the oozing pus beneath. vom
And just to really get our stomachs churning, they did a sly transition from the yellow pus to someone scooping up a piece of cheesy pie (not the only pie joke of the night).
The GoT editors were really fucking with us there.
Rudely interrupting a flirtation between Yara Greyjoy and Niobe - a relationship that we would have loved to see develop - the only warning we had of Euron Greyjoy's siege was one loud bang before all hell broke loose.
With Yara’s ships surrounded by her crazy uncle’s Iron Fleet, a violent massacre ensued. Blood spurted from throats, faces were smashed to a pulp, axes dangled from skulls - and, again, we were treated to close-ups of some particularly wince-inducing acts: a knife yanked from a cheek, a sword thrust up between a man’s legs, a tongue being cut out.
Doubtless the show runners wanted to smack us in the face with the bloodshed, but Theon Greyjoy (Alfie Allen) and his shellshocked horror, allowed a moment of reflection. It was an oddly moving as the scene slowed down and we watched him watch the slaughter. The moment of desperate indecision as Euron taunts him for being a “cockless coward” and Theon jumps overboard into the sea, leaving his sister to her fate, brought an emotional punch to an action-packed ending. Are we meant to think of Theon as cowardly, too? Or as a tortured soul who finally had enough of the bloodshed?
(Notice how the three eunuchs: Greyworm, Theon and Varys - who made a great speech to Daenerys about serving ‘the people’ - got the most poignant moments of the show?)
The second episode of season seven has ratcheted up the action - and we like it. Oh and please, Game of Thrones - keep on coming with the sex scenes.
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